anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize