Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
