There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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