It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
