Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
