i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize