Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
