I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
