I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
