he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
