How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
