I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
