I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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