I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize