Your tits are I can't wait for
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He shit in the fireplace
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
