She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
