I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
