HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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