we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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