I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
