WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
