We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
