I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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