did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
