all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
