I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
