He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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