i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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