So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
