hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
