If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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