I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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