My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
