Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
