It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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