Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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