I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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