Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
