So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Damn victory sex feels great
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
