quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
