I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
