Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize