I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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