Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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