real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
