Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
