When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
