She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
