rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
