Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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