From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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