Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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