when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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