walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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