i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She bit a glass in half.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
