somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
