Ambien. No doubt about it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
