Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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