I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
