Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
