listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
