My Higher Power is John Stamos
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
