there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
