I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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