8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
where does the pee come out of this thing
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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