So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
