I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
