Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
