how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Someone came in the potted fern
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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