don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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