Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
