I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
