My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize