just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
