What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
