Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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