dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
