i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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