Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
