God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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