i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
