just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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