yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
