babies were throwing up all over the place
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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