yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
