I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
